So this week’s post is going to be a little different than the rest. My words aren’t going to rhyme this time, and I don’t have a heavy message to share. Rather, I’m going to describe the true purpose of my blog. To be completely honest, my blog has taken on a life of its own since I started it and thus its’ “theme” has shifted. Instead of slyly tweaking my home page to fit the new theme and praying to God that no one notices, I decided to share the beautiful way this blog has grown.
Originally, I intended for this blog to be about owning every bit of who you are, and who you are around. In the homepage, I first discussed my name and how I wished it was something else, because I didn’t think I was unique enough- I didn’t think that who I was, was good enough. Yet, after seventeen years of people informing me that my name, Hannah, was unique because it is a palindrome, the name I had grown to hate inspired me. I realized that just like my name reflects the letters its around, so do people. Originally my blog was going to be about the way people reflect on all the good they are blessed with, all the bad that is done to them, and all the horrible things they have done to other people that they carry on their conscience (i.e. our dirt).
However, as I began writing my poems I started to realize a new theme emerging, and it had more to do about the reason why I named my blog “Reflections of a Teenage Dirtbag,” than how people choose to reflect the people they are around.
The reason I named my blog “Reflections of a Teenage Dirtbag” is because I am just a typical teenager trying to figure out my way in this insane world, and I am bound to make mistakes. The idea is that with each mistake I make, I gather more dirt that I will have to carry on my shoulders. Now, most people don’t just walk around holding all their dirt (i.e. anxiety, depression, lies, and hurt) out for the entire world to see at first glance, and neither do I. Instead we all neatly tuck our dirt in a little bag and hide it deep within ourselves where no one can see. Occasionally, when life is especially trying and our dirtbags are a filled to the brim, we may spill our dirt into someone else’s bag- and together we manage the weight of that burden. Yet, even with the relief that a listening ear can bring, sometimes life still just kind of sucks, and I can only hope that my blog brings awareness to the fact that everyone will always have trials hidden behind their eyes that no one else will ever see.
“Reflections of a Teenage Dirtbag” is about the things we deal with that we can’t share, it is about the sinking feeling in our stomachs at night when we are forced to reflect on the contents within our dirtbags alone, and it is about the pressure of being a teenager in the midst of all the things we deal with under the surface. Although at times we may feel completely alone or that our trials are too heavy for us to bear, the most important thing this blog has taught me is that…
only from dirt can good things grow.
//thanks to all who have read this blog thus far//
***song creds to Wheatus, photocreds to The Dirtbag Co.***